March 2, 2010

Something that WASN'T FUNNY..................... in the moment

Okay... I don't like spicy food. I detest it, to be precise. Craig, on the other hand, CRAVES intense flavors. We fortunately (for him) live close to Jungle Jims- a super cool grocery store that has an entire aisle dedicated to hot sauces. This week the kids and I chose wisely a few new varieties for Craig to try. So here's what happened-
Craig poured a teeny little amount on his plate
and delicately dipped a bite of chicken.
I laughed as he twitched a bit and made funny faces.
Wouldn't you know curiosity got the best of me!
THIS type of curiosity, I'm certain, WILL KILL THE CAT!
I wondered how HOT it had to be for CRAIG to be intolerant, so I smeared my finger ever so slightly, just to get a  transparent  wetness and the yes - I LICKED MY FINGER! IMMEDIATELY, and I'm not exaggerating...
I  M  M  E  D  I  A  T  E  L  Y
I burst out a very unladylike cough and then started hacking like a crazy person. I was out of my chair in an instant and running, yes RUNNING, for the bathroom as I gasped for air! I started dry heaving over the toilet bowl! I'll spare you too many details, but being in the privacy of your own home surrounded by  those  who  unconditionally  love  you makes it a lot easier to FORCEFULLY AND LOUDLY RETCH!!!!
(FYI  there was nothing to flush, so this isn't too gross of a story, I HOPE!)
My eyes were ready to burst out of their sockets
and I told Craig after it was over,
I think it would have been better if I would have just passed out until the pain in my mouth would have subsided.   And my poor children? I fear they will NEVER want to try a new flavor after the dramatic display I put on this evening.
I am not proud, but I wanted to share this to warn you...
Here is the terrible poison you should
NEVER, EVER attempt to digest!!!!!
IT IS PURE BOTTLED EVIL!!!!!
Of course, Craig has it already set aside
to take to work tomorrow to share with his coworkers.
Mr. Congeniality!

3 comments:

Michelle Prather said...

Oh Betsy!!! I would've paid to see this entertainment... seriously, I'm sorry it was so bad for you but you have the most precise ways of describing your thoughts! I LOVE YOU!!!

amanda said...

OMG you were brave to even try it. I love also that you have this sitting on the toliet seat to take a picture..am I correct?

Betsy Myers said...

Very good, Amanda. It IS on the toilet seat! ha ha I thought it was an appropriate placement ;)